Sobbing

I'm so sad.

When the truth comes out about someone that you really care about, and the truth is how they really feel about you, really drains a person. I'm shaking because I'm shell shocked. It just kills me inside because I realize that maybe this entire time I have been the problem, but have been blaming others. I don't know anymore, but I know that friendships are so hard to maintain. You can't please everyone I guess, even though we want to. That really is all that I want though: to please people even though I may not be pleased by it. I haven't really been accomplishing that lately but I should go back to that to see if it makes anything better. I just ignored the truth though, I didn't respond or anything which I hope was the right choice because I KNEW if I responded it would end in a fight. Maybe I made the right decision for once...

Happiness

I'm actually in a good mood today!
I don't really know why but I socialized somewhat with people at work today and I got and extra roll of sushi for no extra charge today so I guess that'll make anybody's day better :D

My friends always hang out without me though. Like I'm never even offered to hang out with them anymore and it hurts even though I'm always busy but at least ask me. Ugh. Friends are so time consuming. Why can't they be like plants where you just need to water them every once in a while but always keep them in sunlight which has no effort... that metaphor sucked. Hence, why I want to be a nurse...

Best Friends for NEVER

Honestly though, like don't you hate those people that consider you best friends BUT THEY DON'T TELL YOU ANYTHING? I hate that. Like that is my life as far as friendships go. I have a group of 4 friends...and I'm the one who for some reason never gets told anything at all. I'm always left out of the loop. And it sucks, but I have come to accept it I guess because I'm not really friends with them now. Or at least I feel like that. I still hang out with them (because if I didn't I would sit on my couch with my multitude of cats...) but I don't ever look forward to it. I prefer to hang out with them individually rather than as a collective group (to be honest I only like hanging out with 2 out of the 3). I have one friend who I can go to for everything and anything and she is just so true and I like the idea of kind of moving along from one friendship into another. Maybe I have commitment issues...yikes.

Training Continued...

I ran 1 mile today!

The Truth About Frands

Ah yes, frands

I don't even know how to describe friends. Like who are they really? People you hang out with, you laugh with, you cry with, you talk with, you just do normal human behavioral stuff with. But there has to be a deep connection with these people. A little give and take. I don't know, I don't really grasp the concept of friends that well. I have friends. Like 10. But still... I'm not a big people person and I am so uber picky about everything so that explains a lot...

I love my friends. I really do. They are the best and are always there for me. But I feel like they aren't sometimes. Like when you are down in the dumps for weeks, and they never ask if everything is okay. Like they aren't observant to their best friend's attitude. I have 4 best friends. Like we all live close to each other, go to the same school, and basically do everything together. And it's great...until we started doing the same thing every time we hung out: watch movies or bake. I hate group baking. There I said it. I just hate that so much so lately I have been shutting down those plans to do that and the claws came out a little. But like c'mon, you are supposed to do fun, awesome stuff with your friends. Not this lazy ass shit of doing nothing but watching movies and baking. So that's how I have been feeling lately in our relationship. Just stuck in a rut, yet we are distancing, but I don't have an answer for that part.

And certain friends are so needy and clingy. And I ABHOR THAT OMFG. High-maintenance people who always want to do stuff but don't like planning it and blah blah blah. I just want to sit at home for a long weekend and pet my cat(s). It's little things that people do that irk me the most and being so demanding and needy is one of them. But I guess they are raised that way.

So yeah...that's a nutshell of how I feel towards frands.

Training 101

Fuck fuck fuck

Man, it is hard to run. Like I'm not even close to being overweight but damn it is tough. Well a ran a mile today... CLAPS FOR JESUS! But it was accomplished in 12 minutes which is pathetic. I officially start training tomorrow...no claps for Jesus. Wish me luck!

I'm not Asian FYI

QUICK FUN FACTS!

• I was born in '96
• I want to be a nurse
• I want to be a Navy Corps Nurse
• Hence why I feel like I can embody Mulan in someway
• Mulan is a badass MOFO
• Mushu is my favorite character though
• Sorry Mulan
• I don't eat red meat
• I want to go vegan by I can't because I have dietary issues
• DAMN YOU STOMACH
• I love LMFAO, Maroon 5, Zac Brown Band, Hunter Hayes, Ed Sheeran, The Civil Wars, and Mumford & Sons
• My favorite movie is The Pink Panther and Father of the Bride
• I don't know why but like those movies are the movies of my childhood
• I want to use the blog just to vent, and track my progress of training for the Navy (if I get in...), and like drama...
• God, I hate drama
• Cats
• I fucking love cats
• Like cats are the answer to all my worries
• I own three cats
• I FUCKING LOVE CATS OMG
• My favorite day of the week is Thursday...don't know why but it is
• I love the color blue
• Cats